My friday

Friday, a day which i rejoice for the ending week of school and look forward to the Saturdays.

But today was not like any other typical Friday, today was a very different kind of day might i say. One thing for sure today is i was totally burned out, my will and determination was just not there today, i did not have that push and energy i have in me every other day to push me on the whole day, today was a flat out. I notice i did not find enjoyment in the usual things i did anymore, i became down, tired and weak, i did no show much involvement and energy which i usually do at Cf.

At the gym, i really wanted to skip gym today but its all talk only, my self esteem was at a drop as well as i don't have that confidence i usually had in me, i was looking down on my self again, old habits die hard. Another thing was i lost control my mentally, at the gym most of the time its 30% strength and 70% mental physe, so i couldn't go as far as i could, last time 17kgs which was moderate became heavy, 30kgs which can be lifted, just could not be budged. I felt like breaking down just after my dumbbell presses after failing double attempts on the 30kgs, as i was doing my dumbbell flys, again i face the same problem, the weights which could be lifted correctly and all the way full strenght just became a challenge to even lift it finish as my form was off.

At that instant i was watching the tele which was showcasing a very special tennis player, she shared her hardest moment in life, which she lost out flat to ther oppenent, what was suppose to be a great year for her became a ultimate failure when she lost in the first round, she broke down on national tv, immediately my emotions flew as i could relate that feeling of upset, failure, loneliness, stress and regret, i was going to tear but my man hood always stand in my way to keep my tears in, to hide it from public, all i could do was give a sigh and back to my regime. Thank God i got myself back in shape after focusing myself again, and the rest of the workout worked out fine but i was totally burned out, really feeling down and lonely.

The feeling i have been and am feeling right now since the begginging of this day was the feeling of belonging, i just needed that sense of touch and love from someone, someone to hold in my arms, just drop a few tears, fell her in my arms and hear her say its all gonna be ok. Just that feeling of love, care and compassion would change my day for the better, it could break this man down into a tender child, it would give me strenght to carry on for the rest of my days. Never have i had the yearning to hold someone in my arms this bad, i really need it so badly, looking at the days that have gone by and the days to come, i just need someone to hold and love to keep me going.