Now only do I realize

Regret, sad, confused, frustrated, broken, lost, stress...This are the words that can only describe what i am going through after seeing what has happened, finally realizing what has happen.

Looking back, thinking and reevaluating what happen in my past, i realize there is a significant pattern to the mistake i make and the price i would have and is paying for taking the risk i took. When i think that we have something special, it was just actually her being own self, i was overconfident in thinking that we had something special between us, every time i neglect to take a look at whether there is something between us or its just plain playing around to me.

Every time i get a bit too confident in thinking that i have a chance with this girl or that girl and the risk involved is losing a friend, i don't know why but somehow along the way of pursuing a relationship, somehow if i don't even do anything, she will tend to avoid me thus letting history repeat itself and leaving me confused and frustrated, not only do i lose myself but a friend as well. They wont even take a chance with me or give me a chance to prove myself to them, somehow sometimes i can tell that they worry that i am the kind who is a gentleman on the outside but in truth is not, that is A TOTAL LIE... past mistakes might have taught your a few things but you have to understand that not all guys are the same, not all guys share the same heart, not all guys are jerks, not all guys are lies, not all guys are fake. I am not the same as your ex's or even a bit like them.

I only feel regret now to make a move on her, either things get better or they just continue to spiral downwards. People always tell me, dont try so hard, a girl will come to you and i can see that your can say that because your are already in a relationship, try being in my shoes for a moment, you would really feel so frustrated with everything, after everything i've done, whats wrong now!? There must aleways be something in the way.....

Now do i only realize what a fool i am for not listening to poeples advice. What a fool i am for giving myself so much hope, what a fool i am for messing thing up again, what a fool i am for hurting myself and others again, what a fool i am for even thinking for a moment someone like her likes me. What a fool i am for playing the love game again and what a fool i am for taking the risk....