My friday

Friday, a day which i rejoice for the ending week of school and look forward to the Saturdays.

But today was not like any other typical Friday, today was a very different kind of day might i say. One thing for sure today is i was totally burned out, my will and determination was just not there today, i did not have that push and energy i have in me every other day to push me on the whole day, today was a flat out. I notice i did not find enjoyment in the usual things i did anymore, i became down, tired and weak, i did no show much involvement and energy which i usually do at Cf.

At the gym, i really wanted to skip gym today but its all talk only, my self esteem was at a drop as well as i don't have that confidence i usually had in me, i was looking down on my self again, old habits die hard. Another thing was i lost control my mentally, at the gym most of the time its 30% strength and 70% mental physe, so i couldn't go as far as i could, last time 17kgs which was moderate became heavy, 30kgs which can be lifted, just could not be budged. I felt like breaking down just after my dumbbell presses after failing double attempts on the 30kgs, as i was doing my dumbbell flys, again i face the same problem, the weights which could be lifted correctly and all the way full strenght just became a challenge to even lift it finish as my form was off.

At that instant i was watching the tele which was showcasing a very special tennis player, she shared her hardest moment in life, which she lost out flat to ther oppenent, what was suppose to be a great year for her became a ultimate failure when she lost in the first round, she broke down on national tv, immediately my emotions flew as i could relate that feeling of upset, failure, loneliness, stress and regret, i was going to tear but my man hood always stand in my way to keep my tears in, to hide it from public, all i could do was give a sigh and back to my regime. Thank God i got myself back in shape after focusing myself again, and the rest of the workout worked out fine but i was totally burned out, really feeling down and lonely.

The feeling i have been and am feeling right now since the begginging of this day was the feeling of belonging, i just needed that sense of touch and love from someone, someone to hold in my arms, just drop a few tears, fell her in my arms and hear her say its all gonna be ok. Just that feeling of love, care and compassion would change my day for the better, it could break this man down into a tender child, it would give me strenght to carry on for the rest of my days. Never have i had the yearning to hold someone in my arms this bad, i really need it so badly, looking at the days that have gone by and the days to come, i just need someone to hold and love to keep me going.

My one place to lean on became my bed of torns

Today was a very tiring day and quite a lonely day as i ended up doing half of today things alone, well school is an exception because i will surely meet my friends but the sad part is all of them have coupled up T.T so sometimes they do click together as a group but i am really happy for them all as a friend and classmate. They all say love is not everything but if only i could express the feelings i feel during that time to them.

Today I had to attend a replacement school day for chinese new year, so this is norm as its always been like that, we ended later than the usual 12.30 because we are from 6-ers.... -.- !.... But luckily it was only half an hour later than usual cause i had my math tuition to attend after that, what started with four people ended with me alone having tuition, i was very tired after the tuition and the though of going for my usual youth gathering in church make me feel at least a sense of comfort that i can go there to destress and relax...so i taugh.

When i arrived there, i will skip the usual part. what shock me the most is howcome a gathering can become a therapy session for family members, i mean if you have a family problem, i think its only wise to keep it in the four walls of your family, besides that it would also wise to discuss matters in a more suitable and gentle manner, as a adult and youth. There was also an offer to help out someone in need, they went on and on and on, but i was thinking it he is alright, why bother him so much, the reality is he needs to get back to God but why make it such a big fuss.

I did one of the worst mistake, i told them all that the only way is to help himself and God can help in the way, its true we cant leave him to wallow alone but they don't see its what we are all always doing, not to say i am not guilty, when ever one of us are in hardtimes or going through some tough times, they never tend to them, leave it alone help out as much. Thats just what they did to me, i was having a difficult time and did they help me out? one person did and i am forever grateful to him but the rest just sat on and I HAD TO ENDURE EVERYTHING WITH MY OWN STRENGHT! so dont tell me we've got to help when you all know your CANT do it! Its just all a talk to your all, by the end of the day, the poor guy would be all alone struggling.

I know many things have been let out in my blog, this post is more personal as it really pissed me off to hear people tell me off with lies and false promises. They all give me advice yet they dont try to understand the situation before speaking. Love is not everything, they say. Loev is what i need to go on all the days of my life.

Thus the season to fall in love?!

Everywhere now comes the sound of "ohh" "ahh" "omg" "haha" "really?" and etc

Not a doubt that by the sound of that, we can understand either someone close has fall in love with someone close to you as well or friends falling in love together and getting into a relationship.

Thus the good season and year and month to fall in love, mainly its the start of the new year, start of the month, what better time to propose than now, where everything is a fresh and new.
My heartfelt congratulations to all those who are in a relationship now, God bless your relationship from the little walks to down the aisle of marriage.

What about others? Those who are struggling with this so called L>O>V>E? Those who cant seem to find love at this moment in time? Those who strive and work hard to get into love but cant?

We can do the best thing that is to be happy for our dear beloved friends who are in a relationship and be patient for out turn to come, no one said its gonna be a fairy tale life. Fight the good fight and keep the faith.

For us out there who are single, thus the season to fall in love, thus the season to try our chances again, its a new year with new opportunity and a year of abundance. If we cant seem to get love, thus the season to be rewarded and sow your fruits.

Same interest or the first look attention?

First of all a big hi to my English teacher, she says i write too many complicated and theoretical post, so i am start things of a little simple minded this time, haha.

Hello everybody, today was a busy day for me as usual, who would've though i would be occupied on my Saturday 0.0 ?! First thing i was grateful, i got to wake up at 8.20am, finally a sleep satisfying. Then it was off to the gym at around 9, after my workout, a shower then off tuition from 11.30 to about 3.40 then it was off to church for youth cell group and then back home for a breather then off again to church for worship practice, then it was off to giant after the practice around 7 to get some groceries, then back home at about 8.30 for dinner, and now here i am around 11.30 writing this post, haha. Ok back to my topic.

As i was going through fb today, i just couldn't help but notice all the lovey dovey quotes and praises exchange between one of my friends and his gf, kononnya mau low-profile, ahem.

Anyways that started me thinking of an advice by my English teacher, she said that it was better to wait for love until uni because we can find people of the same interest and so on, mainly of course because of the study time table. I agree with that as it sounds logical and it is reasonable but i would like to also put forward my opinion and thoughs about this.

Many people now a days says that we can screw that whole personality and seeing their heart cliche statement, there is always that first attention graber or the first click and i belive strongly in this as well and its the truth behind blind love now a days but it is necessary for a relationship to spark or bloom.Haven you notice how some girls attention are grab away by all the bad boys, the look, the way they act, the way they behave, the way that they are just attracts them or even the good looking hunky handsome guys, which shining beauty and awe struck looks sweeps the girls off their feet, damn edward.

Also through my past "experiences", i have notice that i do not have that first attentiong graber to hook on a girl, now i understand why they call it fishing, its baiting and attracting the fish to grab it then slowly relling it in. Same concept, you need that bait, the attention graber, the one thing that makes them tell thier gurlfriends about you and then giving you the signals or even hinting you. Most of the times i will be the fish rather than the fisher, hook on to the line but not acceptable to the fisher and thrown back in the river, though hard as i try i will end up losing.

'sigh' whats a guy like me going to do, if i am too nice, girls despice me and think i am planning something, if i dont look good, i am just another guy, worse of all i dont know what i have that is special, that can get their attention, thats why i go to the gym, in hoping looking better can help give me chance, hopefully the outer beauty can help lead them to my inner beauty.

Like creed says, I feel its gonna rain like this for days, so let it rain down and wash everything aways, i hope that the sun tomorow will shine, with every tommorows comes another life.

Who I am - Nick Jonas and the Administration

Chorus:
I want someone to love me
for who I am.
I want someone to need me.
Is that so bad?
I wanna break all the madness
but it's all I have.
I want someone to love me
for who I am.

Verse 1:
Nothing makes sense.
Nothing makes sense anymore.
Nothing is right.
Nothing is right when you're gone.
Losing my breath.
Losing my right to be wrong.
I'm writing to death.
I'm writing that I will be strong.

Chorus:
I want someone to love me
for who I am.
I want someone to need me.
Is that so bad?
I wanna break all the madness
but it's all I have.
I want someone to love me
for who I am.

Verse 2:
I'm shaking it off.
I'm shaking off all of the pain.
You're breaking my heart,
Breaking my heart once again.


Chorus:
I want someone to love me for who I am.
I want someone to need me.
Is that so bad?
I wanna break all the madness
but it's all I have.
I want someone to love me
for who I am.

Bridge:
Are you gonna love me
(yeah)
for who I am?

Chorus:
I want someone to love me
for who I am.
I want someone to need me.
Is that so bad?
I wanna break all the madness
but it's all I have.
I want someone to love me
for who I am.
(yeah)
Who I am.

Is there L.U.C.K in L.O.V.E or is it chance?

I would like to congratulate a friend of mine who have found a partner for himself, if you know who you are which i think you do, i am happy for you and God bless your relationship from now till marriage. Ps, she is pretty.

Of course most of us, peps like me are noisy when it comes to relationship, we just want to know the story behind the love. Well as i find out that this friend of mine got together with the girl because secretly she had feelings for him/like him.

This got me a curious thinking when my first words were LUCKY GUY!? That when i went to play again, is there such a element such as luck in love or is it by chance? or some might call it fate?

I am not sure and i don't know whether anybody has the correct answer because love and life is unpredictable and there is no fix answers to love and life, if not the author of that book "Answers to Love and Life" will be a millionaire, maybe even richer than bill gates. So I'm thinking imagine if I was that lucky, wow i would be the happiest guy on earth right now, having like you for sometime and then need to secretly tell you, ah teen romance eh, such luck be fold upon me would be a fantastic blessing in my life.

But is it really luck that befall upon him because he had first break up with a ex to get to her, upon that waiting some time for her and then after meeting each other for sometime they got together, to me i feel that its luck cause first of all She Likes him, well in my experience, i don't have that great opportunity of having a pretty like me or more over a dream girl of our choice liking me, that is hard to come by but possible, i am not giving up yet.

On the other hand wise we can also say that it was by chance and fate that brought them together because he had a relationship during her liking for him but she waited for him, i guess, such a nice girl, first girl i ever see to do that. Then when he broke up with his ex, we all ought to know the suffering, sorrow and pain behind it, some or most who have experience would understand that feeling. After that period of suffering, he got her, so it might be chance that open up the doors for them both or fate that simply brought them together as the right couple, i hope. Such great opportunity to be able to let go of the past upon hearing he has a new love.

So Is there LUCK in LOVE or is it chance, fate? I don't know, we will only find out when it is our turn to fall in love or when the time comes. Then only can we really understand the process of Love and life.

Whatever written in this post does not play out truly and fully the love story of my friend and his new found love. I would like top ask any forgiveness if i have trespass any boundaries and written some wrong information.

Ps,
I am so jealous. Be good to her yeah, be grateful, and enjoy your new found love. Have a great journey together.

2010

Yo peps, THIS IS MY FIRST POST OF 2010! YEAHH! HOORAY! HUHUHU! Clap clap clap!

Ok weird and a bit overrated but there is a first for everything in the new year, like my first though of 2010, my first night of 2010, my first movie of 2010(AVATAR 3D! AWESOMEE!), my first blank though of 2010(yes it is true we guys can be very good stonners) and many more!and by monday it would be the first school day of 2010,oh man here comes hel*ahem...school.

What i like most of 2010 even though it the beginning of the year and its just the second day is not only my first 3D movie which was awesome, avatar was nice, mainly because i wish i could have a avatar my own and wish i could journey to another planet so beautiful such as pandora. Anyways coming back, the other thing i like most of 2010 is the no.10, Go figure.

Another thing that came to mind was looking back at all the years, years past by just like that, every year seems to by faster than i know it and before i know, its too late to enjoy the year but for particular reason, i am so glad 2009 has ended because it was hell of a year but of course there were the good moments. One thing i think we can all keep in mind is how 2010 is gonna be for us is how we expect it to be.

We never know what is going to happen to us in this new year 2010, anything can happen at anytime and anywhere, what we can expect are that there will be a balance share of good and bad times given the benefit of the doubt but i pray this year will be a year if blessing for all of you, lets take this opportunity to rewrite that life of ours, its time for another chapter in our life, time to write a whole new journey in our lifes, lets fill it with happyness.

Basically, 2010 is a different year for everybody, some would be major exams like spm,pmr,upsr, college end semester, STPM!(ahh like me) and so on, other would be just another year but what we can asure its gonna be a great journeyt infront of us, are we ready to venture in? well if your not, TOO BAD! you already did,hahaha since friday. Dont worry, lets take thing one at a time and lets let life play out itself but in all thing which i find hardest is trusting God in everything.

Well peps and friends and family, happy new year 2010, i leave with you with my prayers that 2010 will be a blessed year for you, a year of harvesting the fruits, a year of joy,happyness and of course may all your dreams come true.