My first bass class

Yes my M.U.E.T exam for writing,speaking and listening is over, there was some difficulty but through it all God was there for us all.

Now i will have to face mid-term, Dear God help me and guide me. One thing to look forward to is the lower 6 who is coming in soon, welcome you all.

Today i finally had my first bass class with Andrea and i must say she one uber cool and chun bass teacher, she is very chilling and she is really down to earth, not only she learn the bass herself, she can play like a pro as well. Today i learn to strecth my uber stuby fingers, cause for a bassist, they must be able to reach the frets and press down hard in order to get that clean and strong bass sound, so the finger exercising was tiring but after a while your fingers strengthen and you get it, then you moev to another exercise to change it futher. After that is variation of chords, that one is for next lesson after i figure out the chords for one song, not going online to find but hearing the song and writing it down.

Overall i am happy that i can finally start pursuing my bass playing after waiting off for a long time, may God use me mightily for his Kingdom and must like i always do, i will kacauing all the bass player out there to learn things from you all.

My dreams, Confession of my dreams

Everyday I dream, dream, dream, dream, daydream, night dream, afternoon dream, half way doing things i also can wonder off and dream.

Dreaming is all that i can do because it gives me that moment of happiness and just a place where i really want to be at that time, just a step away from my boring life, just a step away from reality, where i can be everything that i want to be, everything that i want in life.

The things i dream of are things that i have always wish i accomplish in life, one would be of course a relationship which most of the time i would be dreaming of even when i am just standing there, if my mind is bored, it will just start to wander off into my dreams of being with someone next to me, just enjoying and laughing away, never have i see myself so happy excepts in dreams.

Another would be my dream of being someone else other than myself, someone who is way more talented, way more handsome and way better than i am. Someone who i would dream everyone's accept, everyone likes and everybody just takes him in. He has talent, looks and just way better than me. This dreams either is the better side of me winning a sport event or a competition and able to show my strength, another side would be showing talents. I always dreams these cause i never won a medal in a sport event, i can never sing a song beautifully, i am not a singer, i am not a guitarist, i cant play beautiful songs, i am just a drummer,loud messy and uncool huh...

Dream of my hard work paying off, being successful in my first try, after all of the changing, sacrificing, and almost killing myself , dream of becoming someone in school.....someone in my life...

But at the end of the day dreams are all so cruel, all i can do is dream, its give me hope at times, it give me inspiration at times but most of the time it breaks me down, it makes me realize what a failure i am...how at the end of the day on the inside i am still nobody at all...at the end of the day i dont mean a thing to anyone....what a loser i am......i am nobody.....

Dreams are so cruel, cant i just live in a world where i am happy and at peace...

Tell Yourself - Clazziquai project

18 April 2010 S.u.N day

Just an update to my blog, this month is a very busy month, partially because of the thesis we have to complete and hand up but i am done with it "THANK GOD" but there was two minor mistakes -_- but its all good. Exams are coming up in less than a months time and honestly, i am not prepared at all but one things for sure, i will give it my best with Gods help day by day.

Last week was a tiring week but amazingly I had his strength to pull me through but on T.G.I.F, i just couldn't help it but slept through the afternoon, a much much needed nap, and one which is a luxury now a days, on the other hand, this week has been fruitful as well in terms of spiritual growth, studies and even physical training. I am worried about sports day though cause being house captain, i haven completed my marching yet and i haven get the members prep for the events but they all tell me its not necessary as they will train themselves, well i tried my best and pray God for sports day and each of my members, i am taking part in javelin and cant throw far but wont give up trying until i reach the mark that i can with all my strength.

Also, things are bit hectic on the life of the juniors and us form6-ers as well cause well you know exams and everything, I pray dear God, you'd be even more present in this time to all of us, that through this hard times, testimonies and praises will go to you but most of all, we'll grow close to each other and You. On another note, just watch "The Lake house" a really old romance movie in 2006, I love the movie, its just full of hope and its really tells you the power of love and never giving up on each other. Somehow you can co-relate the love played out in the movie with 1cor 13 but its just my view, please don't take it too personally but love should be like it is said in the bible in 1 cor 13.

Overall, i really thank God for my life now, even though at times i am frus and upset with alot of things, i look to Him and draw strength to live my life out everyday, in order to serve Him, to help those in difficult times as best as I can. There is still a hint of me who is longing for a girls love but for now i will pray for God to fill me with His love, so that i can share this Love with others as well. See ya peps, take care and God Bless.

Out,
Ken D man

Just to end it all, i like this song by Mika - KICK ass, we are young, we are strong!

Breaking Benjamin-Give me a sign

This is one of the songs for my favorite romance movie " The Lakehouse". Sometimes i really want a sign in life too, no need to feel lost and no longer the same anymore, i feel like i am breaking again inside.


Dead star shine
Light up the sky
I'm all out of breath
My walls are closing in
Days go by
Give me a sign
Come back to the end
The shepherd of the damned

I can feel you falling away

No longer the lost
No longer the same
And I can see you starting to break
I'll keep you alive
If you show me the way
Forever - and ever
the scars will remain
I'm falling apart
Leave me here forever in the dark

Daylight dies
Blackout the sky
Does anyone care?
Is anybody there?
Take this life
Empty inside
I'm already dead
I'll rise to fall again

I can feel you falling away

No longer the lost
No longer the same
And I can see you starting to break
I'll keep you alive
If you show me the way
Forever - and ever
the scars will remain
I'm falling apart
Leave me here forever in the dark

God help me I've come undone
Out of the light of the sun
God help me I've come undone
Out of the light of the sun

I can feel you falling away

No longer the lost
No longer the same
And I can see you starting to break
I'll keep you alive
If you show me the way
Forever - and ever
the scars will remain

Give me a sign
There's something buried in the words
Give me a sign
Your tears are adding to the flood
Just give me a sign
there's something buried in the words
Give me a sign
Your tears are adding to the flood
Just give me a sign
There's something buried in the words
Give me a sign
Your tears are adding to the flood

Forever - and ever
The scars will remain

Now only do I realize

Regret, sad, confused, frustrated, broken, lost, stress...This are the words that can only describe what i am going through after seeing what has happened, finally realizing what has happen.

Looking back, thinking and reevaluating what happen in my past, i realize there is a significant pattern to the mistake i make and the price i would have and is paying for taking the risk i took. When i think that we have something special, it was just actually her being own self, i was overconfident in thinking that we had something special between us, every time i neglect to take a look at whether there is something between us or its just plain playing around to me.

Every time i get a bit too confident in thinking that i have a chance with this girl or that girl and the risk involved is losing a friend, i don't know why but somehow along the way of pursuing a relationship, somehow if i don't even do anything, she will tend to avoid me thus letting history repeat itself and leaving me confused and frustrated, not only do i lose myself but a friend as well. They wont even take a chance with me or give me a chance to prove myself to them, somehow sometimes i can tell that they worry that i am the kind who is a gentleman on the outside but in truth is not, that is A TOTAL LIE... past mistakes might have taught your a few things but you have to understand that not all guys are the same, not all guys share the same heart, not all guys are jerks, not all guys are lies, not all guys are fake. I am not the same as your ex's or even a bit like them.

I only feel regret now to make a move on her, either things get better or they just continue to spiral downwards. People always tell me, dont try so hard, a girl will come to you and i can see that your can say that because your are already in a relationship, try being in my shoes for a moment, you would really feel so frustrated with everything, after everything i've done, whats wrong now!? There must aleways be something in the way.....

Now do i only realize what a fool i am for not listening to poeples advice. What a fool i am for giving myself so much hope, what a fool i am for messing thing up again, what a fool i am for hurting myself and others again, what a fool i am for even thinking for a moment someone like her likes me. What a fool i am for playing the love game again and what a fool i am for taking the risk....