Things never turn out the way you want it to be....

Today is friday and i would be at my happy self, positive and bright. But today was also the day i felt disappointed and crushed into a million pieces, i felt like useless and a loser.

As i wrote i asked the girl to be my prom date and i was waiting patiently for her answer and today was the day that i would have my answer, so as usual today at SMKDJ CF, we had step up step down, with a great band performance by the younger ones and of course the handing over of the posts to the next future leaders. After that it was back home for the rest of us.

As usual i met her outside of school, instead of me first asking her about prom. She straight away answered me and No she cant go because she has none of her friends going with her and she said that there is no place left but i told her that i booked a place for her and because i am the kinda of guy that does not pressure anybody, so i just let here go but she was very kind by apologizing to me and i understand.

But it very sad as this points out something that God does not allow me to form a relationship with her, my dreams crushed... I though i could finallyn impress her to follow me to prom, now it just seems that i have no one special to celebrate prom night with....

I felt very sad and useless and i felt that i did not do enough to impress her, i was so furious at myself, i was angry at myself and all that i've done, why did'nt I just keep fit when i was young? Why was'nt I given a great physique just like the rest of the guys? Why cant i charm her? Why am i not as handsome as the rest? Is there something missing in me that does not work out?

I was just so out and down, so broken, so frustrated, so disappointed, anrgy and so depressed cause i though tht i could finally have something in my life that i would be happy about and proud of, to finally have someone who loves and care for me but that is just all a broken dream now.....