Something is still missing

Today is Sunday and we had awesome worship with Adrian leading us, James as the bassist, Sue yin as the pianist, Lai yi May and Alysha as the praise singers and of course yours truly as the drummer, i have to say this is the first time i played so well and gang huo, the rolls were solid and the beats constant.

I felt awesome being able to play like that for God but somehow there is still that void in my heart and the sermon today was good and interesting but it did not manage to touch me a bit. I went back home and though to myself, is that void still there? Yes it is, Is that dry part of my heart still there, Yes it is.

To tell the truth, my body is weak and keeps yearning for a relationship, every moment when i am in thoughts, the first thing i think of is about relationships, somehow i manage to control it and do my projects.... zzzzzz

After finishing my quota, I did a bit of exercise and work out but somehow the though just keep coming back, no matter how filled i feel, there is bound to be that dry part of my life. Judge if you want, talk about my failures if you want, i am still human, i have feelings, all this caused frustration and my day did not turn out quite well.

It rained when i was half way playing basketball and i cant enjoy my basketball today because of the frustration that keeps going through my mind, when we finished playing in the rain, we went back home and i was walking home, again the frustration kicked in and i was furious at how my life was!

But when i think back again, i remember telling myself that we are all blessed in different aspects of life, like my drums and although i might not have a life of a teenager, i still got to make do with i have cause lamenting over it wont solve my problem.

I still have that dry spot in my life which is longing to be filled and i know God can only cure it.

I have many experiences in my life but i am reluctant to share it because mostly i would not be heard or corrected and that has inflicted a fear of ignorance in my life but i don"t blame anybody as i also have failed to lend a listening ear to everybody else.

Whatever i am going through it is for benefit of my future, suffer now prosper in heaven.

When there seems to be no way, God will make a way

Hello people. firstly i would like to apologize for being so down and depressed this few days, truly sorry for being so emo also but now i feel very happy and enlighten by the grace of God. He has once again never seem to amaze me and make me go "WOW"!

Today i woke up all mourning and full of sorrow, i thought i was going to go through another day of misery and sorrow but the Lord never cease to brighten up my day. Today at school was very relax and going easy, i was able to complete and submit all 30 ICT projects of mine to teacher for the lembaga people to check, hopefully i get a good review from them, one task down.

But that was not what made my day this day, what truly turn my sorrow into joy was at CF. The whole day i was thinking of skipping CF, go home and take a break but somehow God is so amazing, he manage to convince me to stay back for CF, he gave me a hope that something different was going to happen today.

So after school, i went to CF. Today CF we were split up morning session in one room and afternoon session in another, so I though "Well here goes another day..." but just when i though it was going to be the same, remember the girl i told you about. She usually comes to CF but i rarely get to speak to her and somehow she was sitting behind me alone, at first i was like dont care at all but one part of me says this is the perfect time to get to know her but my heart could not stop jumping in excitement and fear.

What if i screw up? Thank God for my good friend Albert, if it were not for him to encourage me and show me support i would not have gone to talk to her but when i wanted to talk to her, i gave an excuse that there were too many people around, out of the blue the people around her suddenly moved out of the way, then my friend went:"Go now, just be yourself and talk to her, its the perfect time, go on come on, GO ON." He tried pushing me but he was not strong enough but when i finally got the courage to speak to her, the mc for the day announce the starting of CF, i was oh man i blew it.

A few moments pass by and Thank God he gave another chance, the worship leader asked us to shake one another's hand and wish them "God Bless", so i got the courage to shake her hand and talk to her, amazingly this is the first time a girl that i like actually talked to me, she even replied and ask me things. I don't know but through this i feel like there is still hope for me in a relationship but i wont be hasty and jump into that yet, I will be patient and careful not to scare the girl.

God is so amazing, i remember praying that he would guide me and change my days, he answered it. I pray he help me lift the cross of life and he did, even better he blessed me some more. How great is our God? no one on this planet would have plan out something so nice and perfect for me, no one could have understand what i was going through except Him and no one could have loved me more than him to bless me so much even though i went astray, what a awesome God we serve.

Take time off and pray in any situations, when hard times struck you, its even best to pray cause God will be there waiting to bless you and help you.

I was once blind but now i see
I was once down in sorrow but there is the sun
I was once broken but now healed
I was once lost but now am found

Somehow it does not seem to fit?

Hi people, today i got a very sad post to share.

I am 17 now, i am in my SPM year, i have been walking in the face of this earth for 17 years now with God, there are times of failure and little of upraising, i am prideful sometimes wishing i was that guy who have a greater life but God has placed me here as he has plan.

I live in a beautiful world but i dont seem to see the beauty of it, i have gone through too many trials and heart ache that the scars have burn deep in me. I can cry, i can whine, i can get stressed up but nothing will change, i can comfort myself, people can comfort me yet i still dont change.
I have changed pass the years but i will never be good enough for anyone.

I sat and though what am i lamenting for? Has life take a toll and set me as a yoke carrier than the farmer who reap what he has sown?

I do not know why i am placed in this position but all this pain accumulated pass the years that i have suffer, the failures, the fatal beatings of life, the ignorance, the silence, the loneliness, how i imagine i can go through it everyday of my life sometimes.

But what credit is there for a man who goes through all this but does not seem to get over it...
Some people understand and some people don't understand what is it that people like me are going through but people have to go through what they are going through in order to change.

Sometimes the pain kills but what use is there for me to write on, this will just be treated as another silly emo post.

Life does not seem to fit the way we want it, i don't know why life is like that? Maybe its just me, maybe its just another challenge in life but somehow i don't know how to fight back anymore.

My heart aches of the pain, my soul is weak and hopeless of trying, i feel like giving up but what use is giving up, i will go through it again another day.

I will just have to wait upon the Lord and pray that he carry the burden with me, the cross that i am lifting up everyday, following him, i pray he will be there to help lift the cross again and carry on.

When God says no, he means no!!

Welcome blog viewers again to my blog of the experiences i go through everyday of my life through God.

Today's blog is a bit sad, a little bit funny too. As some of you know i have a crush on this girl and i have been trying to get to know her but somehow the only thing so far we ever said to each other is Hi.

Well awkward as it may seem, i have a very good explanation behind this, first of all i only see her like once in a blue moon, although we are in the same school and block, we rarely see each other and the only time i can speak to her is in my chemistry tuition thats on Tuesday evening.

Another thing is, remember i said i prayed to God about it, well it seems that i am not really ready for this relationship cause every time i try to speak to her, there is bound to be something in the way, either there will be teachers in the way or friends.

So i got very frustrated and made my mind that today i will finally speak to her in tuition. I got back from school, ate lunch, bath and walk to my chemistry tuition, when i reached there the girl was not to be found(usually she would be earlier). So i was patient, i took my seat and wait patiently but to my horror another girl suddenly took the seat that the girl usually sit(which is next to me) and well there goes my chance to talk to her in class cause i cant be calling out to here cause when she came she was beside me about 2-3 people away. I was ok, i was positive that i will talk to her later after tuition.

I was determine, figured out what to say to her, got myself pumped up and ready, time pass by and tuition was going to finish when OUT OF THE BLUE i had this great urge to go to the toilet and take a pee. It was very serious but i wanted to talk to the girl but on the other hand i could not hold it any longer.

When tuition finally end, i was going to talk to the girl first but my bladder was going to burst any time soon, i wanted to talk to the girl but yet i need to pee real bad, so i took a chance i was going to talk to the girl first but then it came to my mind i cant concentrate with a full bladder, imagine the agony, so i faster went to the toilet first, maybe then i can catch up with her when i am done but to my horror again she left so fast today, ohhh man.

One part of me was disappointed and sad, this is when i heard a still small voice. "Kenneth, you asked me whether you are ready for a relationship, and i have answered, is it not obvious enough for you? I do not mean to hurt you like this but trust in me, I know whats best for you."

I was astonish because it is true, i am not ready because day by day he will sent this couple in my class in my way, they were fighting and giving each other the silent treatment and much much more yet my eyes were not seeing, my soul was not learning.

This was a another lesson in life learned well, God knows what is best for us, so lets just wait patiently upon him as it says in
LAMENTATIONS 3:25-27
25 The Lord is good to those who wait for him,
To the soul who seeks him.
26 It is good that one should hope and wait quietly
For the salvation of the Lord.
27 It is good for a man to bear
The yoke in his youth.

Hugs,
Kenneth Wong

Fasting with no comsumption of meat and only water

Welcome blog viewers again to my blog, thank you for taking your time to read my post for the day.
God bless you the weeks ahead.

I have made a commitment to fast, yup you heard me i am going to fast and pray, for this whole or month or maybe even next month, i will not take in any meat at all, not even fish or duck or chicken or pork, anything that is meat is a no to me, so i will only be taking in vegetables and water.

Why you say i am doing this? Using Daniel chapter 1 as my reference, if you have a bible, you may flip to Daniel chapter 1 and read it as i will not write anything out here in the post, its too long.

I want to follow what this man of God did, he purposed his heart that he would not defile himself with the portion of the king's delicacies, which i think in olden times would be calf's, pork,deer,chicken, fish meat, many more and lots and lots of wine. So what did Daniel do, he instead as the steward to give them vegetables and water to drink for ten days and then he challenge the steward to compare the appearance of Daniel and the other three to be examined and compared to the rest of the young men who ate the portions of the king's delicacies.

And lo and behold at the end of the ten days Daniel and his friends feature appeared better and more leng chai, hoiyoo maybe more handsome than tom cruise, haha.

So the reason why they look better and leng chai was of course very practical, rubbish in rubbish out. It is so straight forward, ask yourself consuming vegetables and drinking water is more healthy or wine and meat is better, of course the vegetables and water is healthier and of course with God's good grace, they look fantastic.

I hope that by fasting without meat and taking in vegetables and drinking water only, i might be the same like Daniel also, haha, leng chai and also to lose some of my weight as now i am more health conscious and of course to impresses a girl, ahem.

So please do pray for me and my fasting that i might be self disciplined and persevere to finish this period of fasting. Your prayers will all be much appreciated. God bless you and thank you again.

Hugs,
Kenneth Wong

Never expect things to go your way

Hello blog viewers, it is me again and today with an interesting post.

Many of you do not know but i have this crush on this girl(wont go saying names), she is by far the sweetest and prettiest girl i have ever met even though we have not know each other yet, the reason i like her is because she is the only that ever smiles to me, the smile is like the "i kinda like you kind of smile" and not i smile as a thank you, i feel that the smile is an IOI (indicator of interest) but i wont jump into conclusion by saying she likes me but we will see how things go as i get to know her bit by bit.

There is just something about her that is different, this love i have for her is not just the lustful type of love but this is the first time i felt true love in my heart for a girl, its the kind of love that i want to spend a life time with her, a kind of love that i wanna share with her, to embrace her in hard times and to share the happy times.

So today was kokurikulum day and usually i would see her there, so i prepared myself the night before, shaving and making sure i look good to give her a good first impression.

But i felt confused and lost as to whether i am doing the right thing? so i was thinking very hard, so i seek the help of my friend Albert and after asking me a few questions, yes i felt i was ready to get a relationship and yes maybe i am doing the right thing. Then i went on to seek an older and exprienced friends help, also after a few questions, yes i am ready and willing to form a relationship but will still manage my time, waoo i felt happy and good.

Later that night i seek God about the crush i have over this girl and whether or not i should get to know her as God's permission will only do, so i prayed and said that if it is his will for me to get to know this girl, please prepare me for her, if its not, please guide me.

So i prayed a prayer for the girl(she is a Christian by the way) and went to sleep.

Next morning came, got myself ready, had breakfast and went to school about 7.50 as the kokurikulum starts at 8.00.

I went in, sat down, took a look around me, and NO she was not there. I looked at my watch and told myself maybe it is still early, so i waited patiently and eager to met her. Time went by and the kokurikulum started, still no sight of the girl, and told myself she is not coming, while we were in our platoon, there were some late comers, while my leader was speaking, i will now and then look at the late comers when they came in to see whether the girl would come but no she did not.

One part of me was sad that i did not have a chance to talk to her and get to now her but thank God for his loving grace, mercy and guidance, he told me to not worry as there is still the week to come to see her, get to know her.

So lesson learned well, I've learned that you cant expect anything to go your way but cling onto God as he is full of surprises and wonders.

Gods blessings happen when you never expect it to.

Relief for people in hard times.

Hello and welcome to my blog again, nice to see that at least someone is visiting my blog, although i hear many people say my blog is too emo or boring, i am very sorry as this is my type of blog that i want as my title is "Blog to release thoughts" i will try my best to brighten up my blog, meanwhile please be patient. Thank you and God bless.

Well as the title suggest, i was hearing this song sung by rob thomas with his former band Macthbox twenty which is titled "These hard times" wow fantastic song. This song is about the hard times we go through in life, the pain, the stress and the past that we keep holding on, the failures we've gone through, disappointments, not having life like me, the lonely nights crying alone but it tells us to just let go and say goodbye to this hard times because we cant keep holding on to the past, we dont feel it but we keep holding on when all we really need is just relief. Maybe a hug, a kiss, a crying shoulder...

This song is so true, all we need is just relief from this hard times in life, a time to feel free, a time to live again, a time where we can smile and laugh, a time were we can kiss, hug and share the night together.

It spoke to me alot and if there is anyone out there having a hardtime and thinking that you are gonna go through this alone, please always remember you've got friends and maybe who knows a "special someone" to talk to.

Please by all means dont go through what i went through alone, its painful and if you see me with a free hug sign that i am holding onto everyday, please dont hesitate to hug me as i hope it can help.

God bless the sufferers,
God bless the down and out,
God bless the lonely hearts,
God bless the weak,
God bless the poor,
God bless the trouble hearts.

As the mountain is high,
the achievement at the end is higher,
The lesson learn are painful but meaningful,
The pain is too much but he is there.

God Loves u no matter who you are,
I was once blind but now I see.

Hugs,
Kenneth Wong.

To a friend far far away, Thank you.

This post goes out to my far far away friend in sheffield, united kingdom, Nie nie.

Thank you very much for the encouragement you gave me through the letter, even though i dont know you much too, i too was encouraged by you many many times, and your friendship with the youth is so strong that it made an impact in it. Well i personally didn't know that my blog would be so famous, haha cause not many people know but after receiving your letter, it was quite a shock to me too that many more people are getting to know this blog but all in all the letter was very meaningful to me as it tells me that i am not forgotten or left alone to suffer, well that as much that i can write, thank you again and God bless you.

Church camp is over, sob' =(

OH NO church camp is over, to my horror today was my last day of church camp, its back to civilization again, its out of the jungle and back to the big city but i have to say by far this is the best church camp i have ever been to in my life.

This camp was very special to me because I found inner peace, love and joy in that camp, in that camp it was just me, my church family and God. The world behind, the cross before me. This camp made us all felt out first love for God again, we were reminded of the first love we have for God, our spirits were revived once again, the church have been lifted up again.

But never a doubt i will always have this after camp blues kind of thing, i feel very sad because i just don't see anything good to look forward to after the camp, i look back at the camp during the bus ride home and it struck me and i cant bear the truth that camp is over and i will be back to the same routines i will always be doing, i feel depressed cause i feel that there is nothing i can look forward, i cant see my nice church friends at a daily basis and most of all i cant feel the loving atmosphere that i exprienced in the camp and its to back to the cold harsh world again.

I am glad tough that i have God by my side, without his love, i could not have change, i could not have been a better servant for him, i really thank God for predestining me to go for this camp, i thank God that i found a change in my view of the world, I thank God he mend my broken heart and soul and made it whole and refresh again for him.

I regretted not spending the time in the camp to the fullest, i really wish i could turn back time and enjoy the camp just once more but like we all say "You can never too good of a thing" haha

All in all this camp changed my life and i hope i can cope with this camp blues, Praise to God for changing me, Praise to God i am one with him again.