Something is still missing

Today is Sunday and we had awesome worship with Adrian leading us, James as the bassist, Sue yin as the pianist, Lai yi May and Alysha as the praise singers and of course yours truly as the drummer, i have to say this is the first time i played so well and gang huo, the rolls were solid and the beats constant.

I felt awesome being able to play like that for God but somehow there is still that void in my heart and the sermon today was good and interesting but it did not manage to touch me a bit. I went back home and though to myself, is that void still there? Yes it is, Is that dry part of my heart still there, Yes it is.

To tell the truth, my body is weak and keeps yearning for a relationship, every moment when i am in thoughts, the first thing i think of is about relationships, somehow i manage to control it and do my projects.... zzzzzz

After finishing my quota, I did a bit of exercise and work out but somehow the though just keep coming back, no matter how filled i feel, there is bound to be that dry part of my life. Judge if you want, talk about my failures if you want, i am still human, i have feelings, all this caused frustration and my day did not turn out quite well.

It rained when i was half way playing basketball and i cant enjoy my basketball today because of the frustration that keeps going through my mind, when we finished playing in the rain, we went back home and i was walking home, again the frustration kicked in and i was furious at how my life was!

But when i think back again, i remember telling myself that we are all blessed in different aspects of life, like my drums and although i might not have a life of a teenager, i still got to make do with i have cause lamenting over it wont solve my problem.

I still have that dry spot in my life which is longing to be filled and i know God can only cure it.

I have many experiences in my life but i am reluctant to share it because mostly i would not be heard or corrected and that has inflicted a fear of ignorance in my life but i don"t blame anybody as i also have failed to lend a listening ear to everybody else.

Whatever i am going through it is for benefit of my future, suffer now prosper in heaven.