Somehow it does not seem to fit?

Hi people, today i got a very sad post to share.

I am 17 now, i am in my SPM year, i have been walking in the face of this earth for 17 years now with God, there are times of failure and little of upraising, i am prideful sometimes wishing i was that guy who have a greater life but God has placed me here as he has plan.

I live in a beautiful world but i dont seem to see the beauty of it, i have gone through too many trials and heart ache that the scars have burn deep in me. I can cry, i can whine, i can get stressed up but nothing will change, i can comfort myself, people can comfort me yet i still dont change.
I have changed pass the years but i will never be good enough for anyone.

I sat and though what am i lamenting for? Has life take a toll and set me as a yoke carrier than the farmer who reap what he has sown?

I do not know why i am placed in this position but all this pain accumulated pass the years that i have suffer, the failures, the fatal beatings of life, the ignorance, the silence, the loneliness, how i imagine i can go through it everyday of my life sometimes.

But what credit is there for a man who goes through all this but does not seem to get over it...
Some people understand and some people don't understand what is it that people like me are going through but people have to go through what they are going through in order to change.

Sometimes the pain kills but what use is there for me to write on, this will just be treated as another silly emo post.

Life does not seem to fit the way we want it, i don't know why life is like that? Maybe its just me, maybe its just another challenge in life but somehow i don't know how to fight back anymore.

My heart aches of the pain, my soul is weak and hopeless of trying, i feel like giving up but what use is giving up, i will go through it again another day.

I will just have to wait upon the Lord and pray that he carry the burden with me, the cross that i am lifting up everyday, following him, i pray he will be there to help lift the cross again and carry on.