The Spirit of Giving

"It is better to give than to receive" Heard that quote before?

Well if you haven, here's one for you but it is not just about the giving and receiving of presents every Christmas every year as we see it sometimes. I for one always have the eagerness of knowing what presents i shall receive every Christmas and sometimes expecting too much of a thing when i forget about the true spirit of Christmas.

Christmas started as the day of our dear saviors birth, the one greatest gift in all our life, Jesus Christ His son, and also the spirit of giving came by when the three wise man came about with myrrh, frankincense and gold for the little babe, that is where we learn from the culture of giving gifts but somehow the real meaning of Christmas can be forgotten.

We tend to forget it is not only a day of giving presents and celebration but a time to remember the one dear savior who gave it all for our salvation and also a time where we remember the love ones beside us all, the sacrifices and precious moments they share with us, the gifts come in as a expression and gesture of love and thanksgiving but one thing that matters the most is the heart.

"A gift is only worth much as the giver itself" We tend to take the giving of presents as a duty and sometimes become a burden in the end and we end up recycling presents, that is just plain wrong unless the presents really comes down from your heart to give to the person and the receiver of the gifts know when you have put in your heart to get them a gift or not, so for once in your life, sacrifice a little of your income to buy nice gifts for your friends and family, this blogger here for one always spends more than rm100 and sometimes close to rm200 to buy gifts for his family and friends and he isn't even working yet, he takes the effort and much help from Gods providence to save up money for the Christmas season.

So in this festive and joyous season, let us take time to thank God for sending His one and only Son for our salvation, the love ones beside us and the life he has given us all each and every day but also lets take time to cultivate the spirit of giving, not just an effort of fulfilling the present quota but giving yourself, your heart and your love for all who have been good to you.

You'll soon realize that giving is not that hard and you learn to appreciate the little things in life but most of all appreciate the true Christmas that begins in your heart

Merry Christmas everybody and a Happy New Year! Lets be in the spirit of giving and thanksgiving!

Woohooo! FREEDOM! ....now what??

Yes its finally over, the final lap has finish and the results are in. After one full month, sitting for more than 15hours of exam, studying more than i have ever before, i have finally officially finished STPM on Dec 16th 2010, i am now a free man and obtain my well deserved 6 months of holiday.

After all the singing and dancing and jumping for joy! I got stuck with one question...now what?

My first act of freedom was of course my nostalgia which was ok, wasn't really satisfying for me but its worth the fun and friends to remember for life =) was really feeling nostalgic after the party, the two years in form 6, the heart breaks , tears, sweat, blood, emotions, memory, fun, sadness, happyness, wonderful moments and the bonds shared will always remain a special moment in my life, one moment which i am glad i took it full and embraced it to the fullest.

However after all the fun, i was stuck wondering what am i gonna be doing for the 6 months, wouldn't want to be rotting my butt off on the couch all day long, so i took a job for next year, so far still waiting on confirmation but He will guide me to the right place at the right time.

Other than that, i also have to think about what course would i be taking in University and where?? Hmmm Oh bother, and i have only two more weeks to think about it "gasps" but I am sure I will make up my mind by then, its only doubts and insecurity holding me back. By His grace and guiding hands, i am safe.

But one thing that bothers me is that all my friends are off on holiday with their 'partners' which sometimes make you feel quite lonely and wishing for one yourself but i am constantly telling myself that we are called to be set apart from the world, to be patient and wait on the right one and one which we will never regret in the end and one which we learn to be grateful for.

Can't really blog much now cause i have lost m touch already but keep posted for blogs which can share experience, inspiration, entertainment and hopefully guidance for you.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Have you looked in the mirror lately?

Being a Paramore fan, i really liked their latest album "Brand New Eyes" which have a picture of a wall filled with empty picture frame on the back cover, talk about creativity and perceptions, love it when they do that, but what strike me the most, the one thing that really make the back cover standout was not only the great idea, concept and beauty behind the album, the songs and photography, its the one picture frame in the middle with the mirror which Hayley looks into in the video "Playing God"

It really struck a chord in my mind, it got me thinking.

"Have I/You been looking into the mirror lately?"

Its not just about looking into the mirror and seeing that one look of us in the mirror, the mirror really reflect not just your looks, the mirror shows the soul, the body, the being and all that we are if we look closer. I don't know about you but everytime i look into the mirror, i don't just think about my tidy and cleanliness, i think a lot about myself and where i am, who i am, what i am doing. Guess the mirror is more than just a vanity affair huh?!

What do you think? I don't know about you but i just have something inside that waiting to burst out, its like i want to do something more in my life, i feel i can do so much more, can be so much better, it just wants to reveal all the potentials i have, wanting to achieve my dreams, have you ever have that ache? And then you feel so inspired, so comfortable, so happy, so relax, so enjoyable, so entertained, so amuse, you feel so great about yourself because its just your place of dreams, a place where you can do what you've always want to do. A place where you can be your true self and shining out bright. I always have than burning, that desire, that passion, those great dreams for me and others.

But then it all stops short once reality sets in, the mirror no longer becomes a place of joy but a place of despair and lost hope, you look into it and finally realize, its all just a dream, you've tried it all before, you've put in all the passion and everything just stops short, you look into the mirror once again and realize you've gain none of the dreams you've dream, never done anything you've said you would, never gone the distance even when you've tried.

So "mirror, mirror on the wall; whose that person on the wall?"

" You! A person who is able to reach its dreams and potential, I've seen everything in you, its beautiful and great, now go and live the dream"

An amateur songwriters confession

With a guitar in hand, a piece of paper on the floor, guitar pick on the ear, mp3 by the side, pen on the other hand, humming to tunes in my head, and a whole lot of thinking, wondering, writing, playing and the process goes full cycle everytime.

Not many will know but i do write songs but as far as i know, i am an amateur maybe even worse but not proven until my songs finally get sung out and recorded. I recently took up this hobby 3 years back when me and some friends formed a band and then since we've been brainstorming for some songs and eventually end up with me thinking a lot of lyrics but not tune. Sadly however the band slowly died off by itself with each band member having to fulfill some responsibilities in life, my heart sank not knowing whether i will ever achieve my first recorded album with a band and at that time it was crucial for my band mates to come up with the tune of the song so i can fill in with the lyrics but back then i have to say "It was not good at all" on my part.

However years passed and i took up the guitar, slowly picking up the chords, sound and music that can be played, opening my mind to the music world and out came a different me, a more alert and creative songwriter with the ability to come up with the basic tunes to bring out the bare essentials for the song HOWEVER! there are more hurdles to overcome.

One confession is that the tune somewhat would have a similarity due to lack of rhythmic creativity and chord knowledge, let it be alone mastering the guitar at a master level. But i never stop to amaze myself, coming out with a tune that actually can be sung. "0OH FINALLY"

Another confession would be that the songs written out must come by inspirations and not by own strength or creativity, a word triggers the purpose and passion, from there on things take flight, but its never a overnight process, it constantly requires changes and innovation to make the song sound good and favorable to the listeners ears.

One last confession i have to say as a amateur songwriter is that there will always be a load of stress and doubts. I quote "An amateur never truly fully understands or know half the time what he is doing, he just goes with the flow, one true character of an amateur" The doubt and stress comes from the uncertainty i have in myself on the songs I've written, i mean who am i with no knowledge of chords or rhythm or rhyme or musical creativity to come up with songs that people will like but at the end of the day the dream of having my first album and looking on at other bands and how they made it from scratch drives me on to complete my first album :)

What is your perspective of life?

I Like a post on facebook that i stumbled upon today, it wrote and I quote

" When we are single, all you see are happy couples;
When we are committed, all we see are happy singles"

Such a truth in this quote and i was just thinking about it when most of the day i would stumbled upon people and friends who just like to announce to the world of their relationship and post up all the great things about it, then there sat me the single man thinking about all my friends who are coupled and how wonderful the life they have being in love but nevertheless being normal humans that we are we always forget to "look both ways"

After contemplating, fantasizing and remembering past experiences, somewhat this two simple lines just pops out like in front of my face and gives me a wake up call, reminding me to be contempt with where i am, the condition i am in and the life i am living now, not neglecting the life we can live out now and feeling disappointed over not having a relationship, many writers would see love as suffering and pain but lets not let that emotion take too much of us and love out loud and let it come our way. Don't chase after false illusions.

Nevertheless one must remember that life is short and days are getting longer, burdens getting more and the world turning upside down as it is. The challenge we face daily is to always move up the ladder of life, we are never satisfied with what we have or where we are thus making us always wanting the next level, but when we reach that next level, we want so more. One moment we are single, we want to get coupled; when we are coupled, we want to get married; When we are married, we want children; when we have children, you cant wait to see them off; In the end you forget to enjoy every moment of the journey and all you remember was wanting to move on, always moving on, that is all.

I've learn very well from my mentors and friends that "One must learn to enjoy the moment where he is before moving to another moment, this way he truly embraces the moment" and it always took the hard way for me to learn things but in the end it was worth the tears and heartache to grow and mature. Think about where you are today, rethink what your perspective of your life is now and go out there and embrace every moment you have cause the next thing we are standing on heavens gate.

My friends, as a youth, we are all full of zeal, passion and energy, we always strive for more in life, we always strive to move forward, which is good but use it to further excel the state which you are in and when you move on to another level in life, you would look back and said i have never wasted any moment nor regret leaving that moment. I pray that our days would be filled with joy and happiness that you can embrace and enjoy, I pray for patience in life and contempt of what we have, but most of all may our life be one lived out loud and to the fullest.

What is your perspective of life?

Success

Today at the gym, I met a normal gym goer, we've been talking for sometime just that i never knew him in detailed and i found out that he is handsome, got a job, got a great body, got a good life, got a fiance, well the way i see it is that he is successful.I have to admit i was envious, he had enough for his whole life, went to college, got a job, got a girl, got the looks, got the body but I would've never know how far it took him to get to where he is but one things for sure is that he didn't have to endure Form 6 even this dude which was i thought was smart said form 6 is tough and he wish me all the best in getting in the local u, that proves just how much work and effort is needed for form 6 but would it be any easier in college? I'll never know.

Back to the topic on about success, I had in my mind one word when i was talking to my new found friend "SUCCESS!" yes that one word which Dexter would yell out at the top of his lungs when his invention worked in the cartoon. Then it got me thinking and weighing the options in my life, whether i can achieve what my friend had, somehow he sort of shaped out what i would want to achieve when i start working which i think would not be any different than any eager young blood. Yet how do we weight success? Is there any criteria to concluded whether one is success or not?

Success can never be categorized as a whole, we can never say we are success in a whole, every person has a "blocking wall" in life but success comes out of not only what we posses, not only what we achieve, not how many figure we have in our bank, not many kids we have, not only the job we hold but the way we are living out our life. Why would i say my friend is success, well materially he has enough but he might think otherwise, maybe he has not achieve the job he wants. So success is based in the way you are living and how you perceive success as

It can be merely based on material gaining, you have the "5C's" the criteria which many would set for their partner! CASH! CAR! CONDO! CREDIT CARD! well i can remember 4C's! Many people would view this needless to say this blogger as well. When we get our first car, our first pay, our first salary, our first spending, we feel the surge of satisfaction or as we call "Success" when we finally posses what we want, when we want and with our own money. Some people get it easy, they have their parents to buy for them but this blogger does not have that privilege of getting everything he wants, there is a limit to getting what i want but parents do feed us and always take care of us, no harm trying to ask but be careful what you wish for.

Success can only be measured in our achievements, something in life we work hard to gain, get it, win it and we feel the glory behind it all, feeling the success of achieving the goal we set. The harsh reality is that not all things go as plan but give your best and we will never go wrong.

Nevertheless, "success" is a really big word and it is a big big world out there, at one point we would reach a age where we would start working, start planning out the big life we have ahead but this the way i see it, success doesn't comes from short cuts but from giving it your best, when you work the best you can, success follows along. Success comes with the benefits of enjoyment and pleasure in life but it always comes with hard work, planning and opportunity in life.

So are you success in life? Yes or no, living out your life daily is already a success!

Remembering Happy, My best friend :)

Today i stumbled upon the movie "Marley and me" The movie really touched my heart and remind me of my own Dalmatian dog whom also passed away of old age. He was with me for more than 10years, from the day i enter high school to the day i left to further my study, he was always there and i really loved what Owen Wilson said at the end of the movie.

A dog don't care if you're rich or poor, clever, dull, smart or dumb...give him your heart and he'll give you his."
"How many people can you say that about?"
"How many people can make you feel rare and pure and special?"
"How many people can make you feel extraordinary?"

Truly whatever was said in those lines is true to the day Happy left this world for a better place, He never ever made me feel any pain at all when i come home, just the sight of him when i come home really puts a smile on my face, he was always there to cheer me up when i was down, he was always there for pats, hugs and kisses. I just wished I could have given him more, given him a better life, given him much more before he left, loved him more and show him that i love him too.

Dear Happy,
I know you are up there in heaven, a better place than here. I never got to say "I love you and i am sorry for all the pain i caused to you, I never got to say how special you are to me, how great of a friend you are to me and you will always be in my heart" Till the day we meet in heaven, you will always be right next to my heart and i will never forget you. Thank you for making my days so much better, thank you for showing love when none cared, thank you for everything. Truly you are my best friend. Rest in peace Happy and i will meet you there one day. I love you.

Pushing On!

Today i had the "privilege", actually i would not say that after considering how many times i have been in this state. Most if not many will know when i say "B.R.E.A.King P.O.I.N.T" I am sure you would understand that state which we are in when we just cant handle the stress or the pressure anymore.

That was what i felt today and finally realize it after such a long time and many times of experiencing it, and the first thing that went through my mind was " I WANT OUT! I WANT TO QUIT!" No more gym, no more weights, no more cardio, no more running, no more cycling, no more pain staking exercises, no more! and it happens when we're half way there, when we're at the last few moments and we just don't see it, all we see and feel is the disappointment and pain.

That was only the point when everything just starts to flood in, emotions start to flare and anything and everything negative, you think about it and forget about all the good things, it is common when we are in that point. That is how athletes, professional sportsman, or even a normal guy or girl would feel once in a while, we all have our breaking points no matter how tough we are.

That is why we can never question the way a drill sergeant, a coach or even a teacher teaches their players or students, they nag,nag,nag,nag,nag and oh yeah NAG so more to the point where you feel like fighting back or want out but they do it for a reason, they don't just do it because they like it, OK giving the doubt of the benefit, some do but those are psychos, a little bit not right in their thinking machine.

So what is the reason for their constant yelling and degrading, they just keep on ranting how much you suck and how much you are a loser but they do it because they want to train your mental strength because when you are in a competition, exam, or even at your breaking point, your mind becomes the main playground, you would be constantly questioning yourself, you would be thinking of excuses to quit and that's when you're suppose to say "NO! I AM PUSHING ON!" You need to just push yourself and you realize by the end of the day, you did it with all you can with the best you can even though at that point it really sucks to be pushing on especially when you are pushing yourself.

That is when all the yelling and degrading insults that your dear dear Dear trainers and teachers come in hand, their insults and yelling teaches you to push yourself on because in a training you have to train even when they are shouting their lungs out, that is when sub-consciously your mind is being train to push and force your way through, not only that your body kick in with hormones and pumps the chemicals you need to push it on.

Here is my own account, i was in the gym doing a new set of exercises involving high repetitions and it was really tiring and killing me to the point where i wanted to quit, i just did not want to come to the gym anymore, i just wanted out but i told myself to just finish it, i did and it made me feel good about myself because i am one step closer to achieving a long term goal and whatever I've endure would be useful in the near future or even sooner.

Dear friends, i pray that God will give you the strength and hope you need to carry on and push on to the end of the line or even the end of the day wherever you are whatever your doing, if you feel like no one believes you or no one cares about you, I do even if i don't know you because i believe that no matter how hard it is, you can do it and become the champion that you are and a little prayer goes a long way. God bless you.

P.S
Pushing is hard, regretting is harder

Greener pasture; to step over or not?

There was a farm looked well by the farmer John, he feeds, care and nurture the animals in his farm, giving them the best he can offer and in return the animals to harvest the corps for him and provide his livelihood. The animals John can only afford are Chuck the Chicken, Porky the Pig, Connie the Cow and Shane the sheep, these few animals were always complaining about the work they need to do except Shane who love the farm and farmer John.

Chuck:" Why are we always working, always laying eggs for farmer john! I don't want to work, I want to move on to the other farm where the grass is greener and there are more potential mates for me over there!"

Porky:" Yeah that's right i just want to lay in the mud all day long like the pigs over on the other farm, and not work my back off over this side and becoming the farmers milking machine!"

Connie:" Yeah why cant i just eat grass all day long like the cows over on the other side and enjoy the sunset and sunrise without needing to strap a plow on my back!"

Shane:" I don't know about you guys, but i like it here, farmer john always feed me, take cares of me, loves me and always give me the best he can offer and in return i just need to keep his crops safe from rodents, I don't mind a bit."

Chuck:" Oh you silly sheep, look around you, your 19 years old and your still single, look over the other side, look at how happy the other sheep are on the other farm, being in a pack, eating grass all day, starting a family and enjoying the company they have. YOU MY DEAR SHEEP! have been always hanging out with us and haven even had a mate, i think its time you wake up and see the greener grass!"

Porky:" OINK! OINK! that's right silly sheep, I've seen you looking over at the pretty lambs the other side, don't you want to go over and mix around or stay here your whole life and watch crops grow, OINK! OINK!"

Connie:" MOO! They are right shane, we are all still sinlge and the farmer john wont even provide us with friends and family, we will all die lonesome here without a family and love one! I think its time we jump the fence and join the other farm!"

Shane:" Mehhh! i don't know, farmer john is so poor, yet he still gives us the best he can provide and if we run, he wont be able to run his farm any longer if we jump the fence over to the other farm, i still want to stay."

That night itself, when farmer John was sound asleep in his bed. Chuck, Connie and Porky jump the fence and left the farm to join the other farm which they say is better then their own farm without waking up Shane as well.

The next morning, Shane woke up and saw that all his friends have left him, Shane panicked and ran to the fence.

Shane:" MEHH! MEHH! OH NO! all my friends have left me to join the other farm, what should I do?! should i join them but i can't just leave poor farmer john like that! OH MEHH! what do i do?! what do i do?!

In all of the confusion, Shane just sat at the fence all day long, thinking whether he should join his friend on th greener side of the grass or stay with his beloved farmer john?

Shane:" MEHH! I have been sitting here all day long! If i stay here, i'll be all lonely and die a lonely sheep, i'll have no family, no love life, no kids! But if i jump over who knows whether they will accept me as part of the pack?! OH WHAT DO I DO?! MEHH!

Farmer John was looking around for his beloved animals all day long until sunset when he found shane sitting on the fence, looking confuse and feeling lost....

This story has no ending to it, I would leave it up to you to end the story, how you end it will determine what type of personality you hold but of course its not 100% accurate. And of course whether or not shane jumps the fence is up to you, i am sure if you are person who can read between the line, you can definitely put yourself in the same situation as well.

This is how i feel right now even this month itself, i am feeling lost in my own place, i look at the other place, it looks great with abundant chances, new friends and opporutnity in life but yet on the other hand if i leave my place, will they accept me, is it true whatever i see will become reality or am i just living the fantasy of the grass is greener on the other side and end up falling hard?

Is the grass greener on the other side? Should i take the jump and cross the fence?

Little things that makes life go up and down like a roller coaster

Its been a super duper long time since i blog already,haha

Well today i was just surfing the net when i saw my blog and the title it write there
"THE LITTLE THINGS IN LIFE"

That's when it stumbled upon how little things in life can really change the way we live our life.

One thing for sure now is that being a christian, its really a joyous experience but life is not a bed of roses, so i can confess there have been time where days are really had to get by, there is so much insecurity, so much stress, so much things uncertain, things which would make my mind go crazy but at the end of the day i see myself on my knees crying and praying to God to lift me up from these burdens and I thank God there was never once He abandon me. Another thing would be fasting and praying, we always expect outcomes and result regarding to our prayer needs but ultimately I've got to learn to receive blessings according to His will. Such thing as a religion can make such a difference in my Life, being a naughty boy to a young gentleman comes a long way for me.

Also one thing that certainly everyone if not most can agree with me is the little thing called "love" we can never be sure of it or the opposite gender as well but one things I've learn is that it takes time, patience, understanding, self sacrifice, more patience and integrity. I am never a pro at relationships but one thing is that it changes a man inside out but it is also suppose to change your relationship with GOD.

Not forgetting as well, our social life, school, work, studies, siblings, family, friends; you name it but most of the time we tend to neglect the privileges we have in life, me myself including always complaining about everything when i fail to look at the bigger picture,
"Behind every flaw is a Beauty waiting to be discover"

Recently i also discovered how important a small part our body can be as well, like my ankle which i just sprain last Friday, little did i knew this small fraction of the feet can cause problems to me walking and ultimately making me bed ridden. so i would take extra precaution next time when playing any sports activity as to now harm any body parts, because of my sprain ankle, i cannot do so many things, i cant drive my car, i have to limp around, i cant walk much, i cant go the gym to work out, i cant run, jump, sprint, squat or even do simple push up exercise or else i would tear the muscles near the nut.

So peps at the end of the day, i realize my ultimate goal of writing this post is to remind you how important little things in our life can be and that we should not miss out the opportunity to live life out around the things in our life. Instead of complaining about everything, i challenge you all to clear your mind and try for once living life and enjoying every moment of it, instead of frowning and giving a sad face, try smiling and laughing more, Haha :) God bless all of your

Micheal Jackson

Its been a year since that tragic news of the death of the King Of Pop Micheal Jackson but he still lives on in all of us. For a time being now the radio stations will be playing his songs everyday, at least three to five songs and my ears and heart are just delighted to hear his songs, they are so touching and energetic, even as i drive my car to school or anywhere, once his music start playing, my heart will start to beat faster and my emotions just run wild.

The power that no one can posses is the Power Of Love that Micheal portrait in all his songs, using the power of music and love to change the world one song at a time, truly no one can repeat what Micheal has done in his era, music took a new turn, it was no longer just for hearing pleasure or the funk, music was to change people, change our thinking, breaking down mental walls and changing the way we live and all his songs point back to LOVE. That's why i never stop to admire all of his sweet, beautiful and meaningful songs like "we are the world" "heal the world" "you are not alone" "I just can't stop loving you" "Man in the mirror" and plenty much more which i cant recall but it speaks of the Power Of Love.

Micheal Jackson we've never taken time to show you the love you deserve, we criticize you for your actions and behavior when really we are the one who needs to change and take a stand for love, your vision and the life you live, the songs you sings, the dance moves you make, your beautiful sweet voice and singing will forever remain in our hearts...If you had the chance to have your last concert "This Is It" Many more life's would've been changed and many more people will heed the call to love and never stop loving and most certainly the King Of Pop would revive the way rock,pop,human nature and Love would've been :)

Micheal Jackson thank you for everything you've done for this world and us all.

Micheal Jackson
"King Of Pop"
We love you always

Open Topic

Yesterday for the first time in my life, i finally had the courage to talk to my mom about relationships, it was so uber duper cool, never did i knew my mom would be the best person to seek for advice and at times it was fun and funny to talk with her about this topic, she was cool about it as well.

Seeing that i am a newbie in relationships in life, there are many things i do not know, things which are unsure, things which i need advice but my mom told me that there is no sure formula to make relationships work out but always start it out as a friendship and just let things take it course and see whether or not things blossom.

Then i went on to ask her how can i know whether there are 'Signs' to watch out for to know whether i can make a move, my mom said just one word "Nope" we can never know cause you know girls Ken, they never know what they want, so take things one step at a time and now do i know it really takes a lot of patience, but patience always works out for the best and prayer is always a great key to keeping ourselves in check, cause when we put God first and honor Him, He will hear us and lend us a helping hand by His will. Besides who knows whats better for us than our mom and heavenly Father.

I am hoping and praying as i take another chance at this that God if by His will, will bless this friendship that i have with her and make it blossom into something. Even as i take this whole approach in a new way, that is the correct way of pursuing relationships.

God bless all of your holidays!

When God takes the wheel

I would like to testify that when God takes the wheel behind your life, or when Gods will is playing out in your life. Life is beautiful.

When He wants you to met the people He wants you met, When He wants you to move on to something better in life the time He wants, When He wants you to live a great life for Him and so many more. Life is really really really really really really awesome.

All praise and glory to God when His will is being worked out in our lives. Never has my life been so clear, everything that happens, in the spirit, i keep hearing the words 'Praise God your behind all of these things that are happening'

The challenge is living each day according His will. Its a bumpy road but we'll always end up somewhere great.

Another Hard lesson in Life

Yet again make way for another hard lesson in life...it never stops eh!?
The one thing I hate about Hard lessons in life is that at that time things seem to be going so well and fine...In the end it just drops like a bombshell on you when everything starts to crash down and everything seems like a mess, it cuts deep and wounds the heart, leaving a scar for life lessons learned.

If life could be played out like a movie, actually it almost seems like one but minus all that good things that always seems to work out and happen when things seem bad. Again i stand at the point of a broken road, feeling broken and lost inside out...feeling the heartache, disappointments. sadness, frustration........oh the pain of losing out again.....

I have lost again with the love game, this time it really changed me, i dont know who i am anymore now, before everything seem to crumble down, everyday seem like a day of hope, a day of expectancy, a day to look forward to...that's before things started to look bad bit by bit.

She was very nice, she entertained me, she gave me a chance to express myself before i found out that she actually like someone else but i feel thankful that at least she gave me chance to express myself, she didn't want to see me hurt, thats why she gave me the space, that glimmer of hope but after finding out she likes someone else, its only best if i take a step back and give up the chase, knowing that actually from the start i never really stood a chance..... All i can do now is hope the best work out for them, pray that everything works out, pray that God will bless their relationship and be happy for them.

A poem of how i feel

Your hair forever there
But never for me to touch,

Your eyes forever sparkling
But never for me to look into,

Your face forever glows
But never for me to hold,

Your Lips forever soft
But never for me to kiss,

Your Body forever innocent
But never for me to feel,

Your beauty forever in awe
But never for me to behold,

Woe is I,
As I wait for hope to arise!
that time I can confess my love,
that time we can be lovers!

Woe is I!
Foolish and ignorant!
Your kindness to avoid my brokenness....
Your glimmer of hope sympathizes me....

....You like a man
But woe not I

My first bass class

Yes my M.U.E.T exam for writing,speaking and listening is over, there was some difficulty but through it all God was there for us all.

Now i will have to face mid-term, Dear God help me and guide me. One thing to look forward to is the lower 6 who is coming in soon, welcome you all.

Today i finally had my first bass class with Andrea and i must say she one uber cool and chun bass teacher, she is very chilling and she is really down to earth, not only she learn the bass herself, she can play like a pro as well. Today i learn to strecth my uber stuby fingers, cause for a bassist, they must be able to reach the frets and press down hard in order to get that clean and strong bass sound, so the finger exercising was tiring but after a while your fingers strengthen and you get it, then you moev to another exercise to change it futher. After that is variation of chords, that one is for next lesson after i figure out the chords for one song, not going online to find but hearing the song and writing it down.

Overall i am happy that i can finally start pursuing my bass playing after waiting off for a long time, may God use me mightily for his Kingdom and must like i always do, i will kacauing all the bass player out there to learn things from you all.

My dreams, Confession of my dreams

Everyday I dream, dream, dream, dream, daydream, night dream, afternoon dream, half way doing things i also can wonder off and dream.

Dreaming is all that i can do because it gives me that moment of happiness and just a place where i really want to be at that time, just a step away from my boring life, just a step away from reality, where i can be everything that i want to be, everything that i want in life.

The things i dream of are things that i have always wish i accomplish in life, one would be of course a relationship which most of the time i would be dreaming of even when i am just standing there, if my mind is bored, it will just start to wander off into my dreams of being with someone next to me, just enjoying and laughing away, never have i see myself so happy excepts in dreams.

Another would be my dream of being someone else other than myself, someone who is way more talented, way more handsome and way better than i am. Someone who i would dream everyone's accept, everyone likes and everybody just takes him in. He has talent, looks and just way better than me. This dreams either is the better side of me winning a sport event or a competition and able to show my strength, another side would be showing talents. I always dreams these cause i never won a medal in a sport event, i can never sing a song beautifully, i am not a singer, i am not a guitarist, i cant play beautiful songs, i am just a drummer,loud messy and uncool huh...

Dream of my hard work paying off, being successful in my first try, after all of the changing, sacrificing, and almost killing myself , dream of becoming someone in school.....someone in my life...

But at the end of the day dreams are all so cruel, all i can do is dream, its give me hope at times, it give me inspiration at times but most of the time it breaks me down, it makes me realize what a failure i am...how at the end of the day on the inside i am still nobody at all...at the end of the day i dont mean a thing to anyone....what a loser i am......i am nobody.....

Dreams are so cruel, cant i just live in a world where i am happy and at peace...

Tell Yourself - Clazziquai project

18 April 2010 S.u.N day

Just an update to my blog, this month is a very busy month, partially because of the thesis we have to complete and hand up but i am done with it "THANK GOD" but there was two minor mistakes -_- but its all good. Exams are coming up in less than a months time and honestly, i am not prepared at all but one things for sure, i will give it my best with Gods help day by day.

Last week was a tiring week but amazingly I had his strength to pull me through but on T.G.I.F, i just couldn't help it but slept through the afternoon, a much much needed nap, and one which is a luxury now a days, on the other hand, this week has been fruitful as well in terms of spiritual growth, studies and even physical training. I am worried about sports day though cause being house captain, i haven completed my marching yet and i haven get the members prep for the events but they all tell me its not necessary as they will train themselves, well i tried my best and pray God for sports day and each of my members, i am taking part in javelin and cant throw far but wont give up trying until i reach the mark that i can with all my strength.

Also, things are bit hectic on the life of the juniors and us form6-ers as well cause well you know exams and everything, I pray dear God, you'd be even more present in this time to all of us, that through this hard times, testimonies and praises will go to you but most of all, we'll grow close to each other and You. On another note, just watch "The Lake house" a really old romance movie in 2006, I love the movie, its just full of hope and its really tells you the power of love and never giving up on each other. Somehow you can co-relate the love played out in the movie with 1cor 13 but its just my view, please don't take it too personally but love should be like it is said in the bible in 1 cor 13.

Overall, i really thank God for my life now, even though at times i am frus and upset with alot of things, i look to Him and draw strength to live my life out everyday, in order to serve Him, to help those in difficult times as best as I can. There is still a hint of me who is longing for a girls love but for now i will pray for God to fill me with His love, so that i can share this Love with others as well. See ya peps, take care and God Bless.

Out,
Ken D man

Just to end it all, i like this song by Mika - KICK ass, we are young, we are strong!

Breaking Benjamin-Give me a sign

This is one of the songs for my favorite romance movie " The Lakehouse". Sometimes i really want a sign in life too, no need to feel lost and no longer the same anymore, i feel like i am breaking again inside.


Dead star shine
Light up the sky
I'm all out of breath
My walls are closing in
Days go by
Give me a sign
Come back to the end
The shepherd of the damned

I can feel you falling away

No longer the lost
No longer the same
And I can see you starting to break
I'll keep you alive
If you show me the way
Forever - and ever
the scars will remain
I'm falling apart
Leave me here forever in the dark

Daylight dies
Blackout the sky
Does anyone care?
Is anybody there?
Take this life
Empty inside
I'm already dead
I'll rise to fall again

I can feel you falling away

No longer the lost
No longer the same
And I can see you starting to break
I'll keep you alive
If you show me the way
Forever - and ever
the scars will remain
I'm falling apart
Leave me here forever in the dark

God help me I've come undone
Out of the light of the sun
God help me I've come undone
Out of the light of the sun

I can feel you falling away

No longer the lost
No longer the same
And I can see you starting to break
I'll keep you alive
If you show me the way
Forever - and ever
the scars will remain

Give me a sign
There's something buried in the words
Give me a sign
Your tears are adding to the flood
Just give me a sign
there's something buried in the words
Give me a sign
Your tears are adding to the flood
Just give me a sign
There's something buried in the words
Give me a sign
Your tears are adding to the flood

Forever - and ever
The scars will remain

Now only do I realize

Regret, sad, confused, frustrated, broken, lost, stress...This are the words that can only describe what i am going through after seeing what has happened, finally realizing what has happen.

Looking back, thinking and reevaluating what happen in my past, i realize there is a significant pattern to the mistake i make and the price i would have and is paying for taking the risk i took. When i think that we have something special, it was just actually her being own self, i was overconfident in thinking that we had something special between us, every time i neglect to take a look at whether there is something between us or its just plain playing around to me.

Every time i get a bit too confident in thinking that i have a chance with this girl or that girl and the risk involved is losing a friend, i don't know why but somehow along the way of pursuing a relationship, somehow if i don't even do anything, she will tend to avoid me thus letting history repeat itself and leaving me confused and frustrated, not only do i lose myself but a friend as well. They wont even take a chance with me or give me a chance to prove myself to them, somehow sometimes i can tell that they worry that i am the kind who is a gentleman on the outside but in truth is not, that is A TOTAL LIE... past mistakes might have taught your a few things but you have to understand that not all guys are the same, not all guys share the same heart, not all guys are jerks, not all guys are lies, not all guys are fake. I am not the same as your ex's or even a bit like them.

I only feel regret now to make a move on her, either things get better or they just continue to spiral downwards. People always tell me, dont try so hard, a girl will come to you and i can see that your can say that because your are already in a relationship, try being in my shoes for a moment, you would really feel so frustrated with everything, after everything i've done, whats wrong now!? There must aleways be something in the way.....

Now do i only realize what a fool i am for not listening to poeples advice. What a fool i am for giving myself so much hope, what a fool i am for messing thing up again, what a fool i am for hurting myself and others again, what a fool i am for even thinking for a moment someone like her likes me. What a fool i am for playing the love game again and what a fool i am for taking the risk....

What about now?

What about now,
What about today,
What if you’re making me all that I was meant to be,
What if our love never went away,
What if it’s lost behind words we could never find,
Baby, before it’s too late,
What about now.

I haven heard from you for a while, no replies, just hi and bye. Ever wandering where i stand but never dare to ask, scared of losing out again. If i could sing my feelings for you right now in a simple chorus it would be this.
What about now? are we making any progress?
what about today? would you give me a try?
What if you're making me all that i was meant to be? What if you are my life?
What if our love never went away? Please give me a chance to prove myself to you.
What if its lost behind words we could never find? Words i never dare ask, the word that could either shock you or open up yourself to me.
Baby, before its too late, before we lose out this chance and never get to turn back time.
What about now? Why don't we take a chance between us ?

This is the song i sing everytime i see you

Every time I see you at a distance, at times so near yet so far away, at times close and wanting to get closer but it takes time. Each time i see you, this is the song i would sing to you if i could express my feelings for you.

Feeling the pinch of reality again

Haha you'll never guess what happen peps, somebody left a comment on one of my post on the 'x' factor thing, if you cant find it, this is what he wrote

Understandably your article helped me terribly much in my college assignment. Hats off to you enter, intention look progressive for more interrelated articles in a jiffy as its sole of my favourite subject-matter to read.

Haha, he find my article useful for his/her college assignment, well whoever you are out there i am glad my blog articles helped you in a way as i can never see it that way, thank you for the complements and i hope future articles will provide help as well.

Ok moving on, Its been six days after camp, only two days back in reality, back down to earth and......I am already struggling, feeling sad and losing myself again. I will never forget the last day of camp where i said i never want to leave that atmosphere of peace because when i am back down here, so many things fall in, so many things start to pile, alot of problems will start to surface.....Worse of all is the lack of support, in the camp, there was never a moment where i would be on my own, there would always be somebody there next to me, i never felt so secure, peaceful and relax in my life and I can never stop thanking God for all these lovely people who help me be the man i am today, who really change me back to the way i was meant to be.

but seems right now, slowly i am spiralling back down into my old self again, losing hope and faith in Him and myself but He always lifts us up and brings us support in time of need.

I would've to keep my chin and spirit up, wouldn't want to let Him down, wouldn't want others to speak against my troubled self, its better to keep the sad and put on the mask of lies that show i am fine when i am really have some problems to face because then and only then would people care about you, sad to say.

But there are those of golden heart, really a heart so warm and kind, it just makes you melt and feel all the better when they give you a hearing ear or a warm hug, this can really break you down in tears to let it all out, just a single touch can remind us we are never alone. So i challenge those reading this post, if you canl, help a troubled friend today, just a hug or a shoulder to cry on.

All in all, i wont give up too early, its not the end of me yet, because i would bounce back up pretty high and i will give it my best until i cant, i would take a breather and bounce back up again.

Tokio hotel-World Behind my wall

Heard this song a few times a week already and at one point i was sick of it when all of sudden i hear on radio, someone explaining what does this song mean? What are the lyrics about?

The song is about not experiencing love before and all day long he hears about how beautiful it all is, how great it is, how wonderful it is behind his wall of his world, so it speaks about how much he is willing to sacrifice to crawl his way into love, and his eagerness to get there.

So yeah that's basically it and somehow i can relate to this song.

Coming up short? missing 'x' factor!?

I have to ask just this questions to the girls out there

What is that 'X' factor your look for in a guy?

Does first impression help us guys win your heart faster?

What can a guy do to win your heart and be secure and sure of us to be together in a relationship?

Cf camp 2010

Smk Taman SEA CF camp by far is the best camp in my life, that three days totally touched and changed my life.I am now very nostalgic and missing the camp alot not because of the fun and rocking the drums for Jesus only but the people in it as well.

I also really like the worship teams alot, especially group 3, awesome people like racheal, liyen, william, lydia, jeff, felix, christian, christin and so many more people who has made this camp the best part of my life. Your all truly showed me love and care that really melt my heart and mend my brokenness inside out, love you'll so much and i will never miss rocking out with Jesus with all of your. BIG HUGS!

I also miss my team Tortilla so much, team members michelle, pei jiun, brenda, andrea, zi yoong, daryl, william and sherwiin. You all are such great team members, i would not have never ask for a better team, i would also like to personally thank andrea and christine for helping me lead the team, wouldn't been possible without both of our help, love your all alot, hugs.

Also there is the drummer team, daniel and joel, thank you guys so much for trusting me in everything and helping me in organising the drums and also being a close brother to me, i am forever grateful for your care,concern and love.

Last but not least are all the other campers who have touched me and made this camp such a memorable one, le on, melvin, elaine, kok hoon, yew leung, racheal cheah, Hilary, erin, huey wern, sheng khai, joshua, justin, samantha, tien mie, karina, wesley, li ren and all the others who i have not mention, thank you all for being apart of my life and making this camp truly special for me.

'Sob' I'll miss all the worship sessions i had with all the teams, i'll miss seeing all of you in my church again, and most of all i'll miss the bond and fun we shared with camp. Thank you God for all these people who have changed my life, and this awesome camp which i will never forget my whole life, bless and protect them all.

8th day of March

Manic Monday, today was a special Smk Taman S.E.A canteen day, its basically selling all kinds of food to our students and i really enjoy and had fun in the process of going around and seeing which club and friends need help, but most of the time was spent on buying, drinking and eating.

ALSO A BIG SHOUT OUT TO MY TWO CLASSMATES!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANITHA AND ATIQAH!
Have a great year and great life now and forever, happiness and peace be with you all day of your life.

Well today is a manic monday, starting with canteen day, after that i had my first ever interhouse games, i joined handball and even though blue house did not do dairly well, we will never give up and we would go down with style if it maybe. One thing that defeat though me, in my sheer defeat and humiliation, i've learn that i've got to lose at times, that way i learn and get back up again to face the thing with maturity and better. The lose really brough me down cause i had too much of high hopes until the point i forgot to enjoy the game, so tomorow is to just enoy the game within the process of the competition.

One more thing that struck me was that theres a BIG day around the corner and as the clocks tick down, i haven figure out a day,time and a treat for myself, i haven even though of the activities to do on my birthday =P. Hopefully i can come up with something fast,haha

I shall stop here now, my lesson for the day,

no matter how prepared we are, losing/ surrender is always there/ an option, the main thing is to learn from it and face it in the near future with maturity and effectively.

Month of March, the 3rd day

On this day, i woke up in the morning with a bad hunch on my back that today is not gonna be the normal day is gonna turn out to be, i though oh well maybe its just me being groggy, well that hunch was so right today.

The day started out quite bad first with my groggy self, first time in my life i felt grogginess, everything i think of, i whine complain in my mind, getting all stressed out. My fist step in school and i receive news of payments and well seeing i was low on cash, i was quite upset with a certain club which has been taking money from us quite frequently this week and well i dont mind paying, its just that i dont see the value worth of the amount of money involved, so i ended up getting into little arguments and nagging with my classmate, thus came my great fall, mainly also because i was quite stress and grumpy. I have this feeling that i am always constrain to express the way i feel, when i am angry, i have to hold it in, if not we lose face ; when i feel insulted or disgusted, i would hold back my agruments because somehow i always end up being the loser ; when i am sad, people see me as problematic and little help is given, but i truly thank those who try to cheer me up.

Also the bachelor life get quite daunting no me as well, everyday thinking of the day i would find her.......well..... if only people would listen and understand peoples situation, we would listen and comfort rather than brush off the problems as nothing now, small matter and all the bull that people always say just to avoid the conversation, when the times comes and you find yourself in the same situation, would you yearn for a shoulder to lean on? give it some though the next time you go brushing off peoples cry for a shoulder to lean on.

March, i just hope that the next few days, you would be better than this day, oh i pray that this month will not be so bad...

No more CNY but look ahead what's up

As everybody know yesterday was the last day of Cny, which is usually called as chap goh meh, please forgive and correct me if my spelling is wrong. Usually on this last day, families will enjoy a feast together and of course the usual sounds of fireworks will fill the air until the last final hours left of our Chinese New Year. As sad i am to say Cny is over and February is over, i am happy that march has arrived.

Another new month ahead of me which i am sure would be filled with work, fun, up, down ,left. right and only God knows what else. I look ahead to my time in March as the first two months felt like almost a year, i sigh a relief to know that its only march but in that also a relisation of the time i have left in 2010.

Well it would be for one or two obvious reasons why i love/like the month of march. The main thing i would love to see as i write down my first post of march is a couple of things, i would like to see some happyness and peace in life, I would like to see some excitement, changes are for sure, well some new pretty girls to met would be nice, something exciting and interesting happening ( the good fun one not the stressful until i want to die type), so many more to say, so little time to do. only so much i can expect to come true, only so much will happen by God willing, of course one thing in concern would be a special day in my life which i have taken for granted my whole life, not treating a special day to myself, not showing myself some love and appreciation by appreciating the day i arrive into earth and life.

Here come and goes another past in my life, feb has been a difficult time, there are the good and bads but i always try to look on the positive side as best as i can.

March, well i am never a far seeir type, the future planning type but i can forsee a month of excitement,hope and love for me....I hope and pray =P but whatever it is i am glad i am still alive this day to live my 19th march of the year in my whole life, with friends and family near and dear to me, i would not expect much for this month and the special day but one thing i overlook is the day i was born into this world, i should appreciate it and love myself for being here, though not receiving much, i must love myself andf treat it a special day for myself, because this was the day my parents gave birth to me, the day God created and gave me life onto earth, the day i first drew breath and started my life's journey.

Well March, let us March on together to a greaet month ahead. Dear God i pray, this march would be a March to remember for.

My friday

Friday, a day which i rejoice for the ending week of school and look forward to the Saturdays.

But today was not like any other typical Friday, today was a very different kind of day might i say. One thing for sure today is i was totally burned out, my will and determination was just not there today, i did not have that push and energy i have in me every other day to push me on the whole day, today was a flat out. I notice i did not find enjoyment in the usual things i did anymore, i became down, tired and weak, i did no show much involvement and energy which i usually do at Cf.

At the gym, i really wanted to skip gym today but its all talk only, my self esteem was at a drop as well as i don't have that confidence i usually had in me, i was looking down on my self again, old habits die hard. Another thing was i lost control my mentally, at the gym most of the time its 30% strength and 70% mental physe, so i couldn't go as far as i could, last time 17kgs which was moderate became heavy, 30kgs which can be lifted, just could not be budged. I felt like breaking down just after my dumbbell presses after failing double attempts on the 30kgs, as i was doing my dumbbell flys, again i face the same problem, the weights which could be lifted correctly and all the way full strenght just became a challenge to even lift it finish as my form was off.

At that instant i was watching the tele which was showcasing a very special tennis player, she shared her hardest moment in life, which she lost out flat to ther oppenent, what was suppose to be a great year for her became a ultimate failure when she lost in the first round, she broke down on national tv, immediately my emotions flew as i could relate that feeling of upset, failure, loneliness, stress and regret, i was going to tear but my man hood always stand in my way to keep my tears in, to hide it from public, all i could do was give a sigh and back to my regime. Thank God i got myself back in shape after focusing myself again, and the rest of the workout worked out fine but i was totally burned out, really feeling down and lonely.

The feeling i have been and am feeling right now since the begginging of this day was the feeling of belonging, i just needed that sense of touch and love from someone, someone to hold in my arms, just drop a few tears, fell her in my arms and hear her say its all gonna be ok. Just that feeling of love, care and compassion would change my day for the better, it could break this man down into a tender child, it would give me strenght to carry on for the rest of my days. Never have i had the yearning to hold someone in my arms this bad, i really need it so badly, looking at the days that have gone by and the days to come, i just need someone to hold and love to keep me going.

My one place to lean on became my bed of torns

Today was a very tiring day and quite a lonely day as i ended up doing half of today things alone, well school is an exception because i will surely meet my friends but the sad part is all of them have coupled up T.T so sometimes they do click together as a group but i am really happy for them all as a friend and classmate. They all say love is not everything but if only i could express the feelings i feel during that time to them.

Today I had to attend a replacement school day for chinese new year, so this is norm as its always been like that, we ended later than the usual 12.30 because we are from 6-ers.... -.- !.... But luckily it was only half an hour later than usual cause i had my math tuition to attend after that, what started with four people ended with me alone having tuition, i was very tired after the tuition and the though of going for my usual youth gathering in church make me feel at least a sense of comfort that i can go there to destress and relax...so i taugh.

When i arrived there, i will skip the usual part. what shock me the most is howcome a gathering can become a therapy session for family members, i mean if you have a family problem, i think its only wise to keep it in the four walls of your family, besides that it would also wise to discuss matters in a more suitable and gentle manner, as a adult and youth. There was also an offer to help out someone in need, they went on and on and on, but i was thinking it he is alright, why bother him so much, the reality is he needs to get back to God but why make it such a big fuss.

I did one of the worst mistake, i told them all that the only way is to help himself and God can help in the way, its true we cant leave him to wallow alone but they don't see its what we are all always doing, not to say i am not guilty, when ever one of us are in hardtimes or going through some tough times, they never tend to them, leave it alone help out as much. Thats just what they did to me, i was having a difficult time and did they help me out? one person did and i am forever grateful to him but the rest just sat on and I HAD TO ENDURE EVERYTHING WITH MY OWN STRENGHT! so dont tell me we've got to help when you all know your CANT do it! Its just all a talk to your all, by the end of the day, the poor guy would be all alone struggling.

I know many things have been let out in my blog, this post is more personal as it really pissed me off to hear people tell me off with lies and false promises. They all give me advice yet they dont try to understand the situation before speaking. Love is not everything, they say. Loev is what i need to go on all the days of my life.

Thus the season to fall in love?!

Everywhere now comes the sound of "ohh" "ahh" "omg" "haha" "really?" and etc

Not a doubt that by the sound of that, we can understand either someone close has fall in love with someone close to you as well or friends falling in love together and getting into a relationship.

Thus the good season and year and month to fall in love, mainly its the start of the new year, start of the month, what better time to propose than now, where everything is a fresh and new.
My heartfelt congratulations to all those who are in a relationship now, God bless your relationship from the little walks to down the aisle of marriage.

What about others? Those who are struggling with this so called L>O>V>E? Those who cant seem to find love at this moment in time? Those who strive and work hard to get into love but cant?

We can do the best thing that is to be happy for our dear beloved friends who are in a relationship and be patient for out turn to come, no one said its gonna be a fairy tale life. Fight the good fight and keep the faith.

For us out there who are single, thus the season to fall in love, thus the season to try our chances again, its a new year with new opportunity and a year of abundance. If we cant seem to get love, thus the season to be rewarded and sow your fruits.

Same interest or the first look attention?

First of all a big hi to my English teacher, she says i write too many complicated and theoretical post, so i am start things of a little simple minded this time, haha.

Hello everybody, today was a busy day for me as usual, who would've though i would be occupied on my Saturday 0.0 ?! First thing i was grateful, i got to wake up at 8.20am, finally a sleep satisfying. Then it was off to the gym at around 9, after my workout, a shower then off tuition from 11.30 to about 3.40 then it was off to church for youth cell group and then back home for a breather then off again to church for worship practice, then it was off to giant after the practice around 7 to get some groceries, then back home at about 8.30 for dinner, and now here i am around 11.30 writing this post, haha. Ok back to my topic.

As i was going through fb today, i just couldn't help but notice all the lovey dovey quotes and praises exchange between one of my friends and his gf, kononnya mau low-profile, ahem.

Anyways that started me thinking of an advice by my English teacher, she said that it was better to wait for love until uni because we can find people of the same interest and so on, mainly of course because of the study time table. I agree with that as it sounds logical and it is reasonable but i would like to also put forward my opinion and thoughs about this.

Many people now a days says that we can screw that whole personality and seeing their heart cliche statement, there is always that first attention graber or the first click and i belive strongly in this as well and its the truth behind blind love now a days but it is necessary for a relationship to spark or bloom.Haven you notice how some girls attention are grab away by all the bad boys, the look, the way they act, the way they behave, the way that they are just attracts them or even the good looking hunky handsome guys, which shining beauty and awe struck looks sweeps the girls off their feet, damn edward.

Also through my past "experiences", i have notice that i do not have that first attentiong graber to hook on a girl, now i understand why they call it fishing, its baiting and attracting the fish to grab it then slowly relling it in. Same concept, you need that bait, the attention graber, the one thing that makes them tell thier gurlfriends about you and then giving you the signals or even hinting you. Most of the times i will be the fish rather than the fisher, hook on to the line but not acceptable to the fisher and thrown back in the river, though hard as i try i will end up losing.

'sigh' whats a guy like me going to do, if i am too nice, girls despice me and think i am planning something, if i dont look good, i am just another guy, worse of all i dont know what i have that is special, that can get their attention, thats why i go to the gym, in hoping looking better can help give me chance, hopefully the outer beauty can help lead them to my inner beauty.

Like creed says, I feel its gonna rain like this for days, so let it rain down and wash everything aways, i hope that the sun tomorow will shine, with every tommorows comes another life.

Who I am - Nick Jonas and the Administration

Chorus:
I want someone to love me
for who I am.
I want someone to need me.
Is that so bad?
I wanna break all the madness
but it's all I have.
I want someone to love me
for who I am.

Verse 1:
Nothing makes sense.
Nothing makes sense anymore.
Nothing is right.
Nothing is right when you're gone.
Losing my breath.
Losing my right to be wrong.
I'm writing to death.
I'm writing that I will be strong.

Chorus:
I want someone to love me
for who I am.
I want someone to need me.
Is that so bad?
I wanna break all the madness
but it's all I have.
I want someone to love me
for who I am.

Verse 2:
I'm shaking it off.
I'm shaking off all of the pain.
You're breaking my heart,
Breaking my heart once again.


Chorus:
I want someone to love me for who I am.
I want someone to need me.
Is that so bad?
I wanna break all the madness
but it's all I have.
I want someone to love me
for who I am.

Bridge:
Are you gonna love me
(yeah)
for who I am?

Chorus:
I want someone to love me
for who I am.
I want someone to need me.
Is that so bad?
I wanna break all the madness
but it's all I have.
I want someone to love me
for who I am.
(yeah)
Who I am.

Is there L.U.C.K in L.O.V.E or is it chance?

I would like to congratulate a friend of mine who have found a partner for himself, if you know who you are which i think you do, i am happy for you and God bless your relationship from now till marriage. Ps, she is pretty.

Of course most of us, peps like me are noisy when it comes to relationship, we just want to know the story behind the love. Well as i find out that this friend of mine got together with the girl because secretly she had feelings for him/like him.

This got me a curious thinking when my first words were LUCKY GUY!? That when i went to play again, is there such a element such as luck in love or is it by chance? or some might call it fate?

I am not sure and i don't know whether anybody has the correct answer because love and life is unpredictable and there is no fix answers to love and life, if not the author of that book "Answers to Love and Life" will be a millionaire, maybe even richer than bill gates. So I'm thinking imagine if I was that lucky, wow i would be the happiest guy on earth right now, having like you for sometime and then need to secretly tell you, ah teen romance eh, such luck be fold upon me would be a fantastic blessing in my life.

But is it really luck that befall upon him because he had first break up with a ex to get to her, upon that waiting some time for her and then after meeting each other for sometime they got together, to me i feel that its luck cause first of all She Likes him, well in my experience, i don't have that great opportunity of having a pretty like me or more over a dream girl of our choice liking me, that is hard to come by but possible, i am not giving up yet.

On the other hand wise we can also say that it was by chance and fate that brought them together because he had a relationship during her liking for him but she waited for him, i guess, such a nice girl, first girl i ever see to do that. Then when he broke up with his ex, we all ought to know the suffering, sorrow and pain behind it, some or most who have experience would understand that feeling. After that period of suffering, he got her, so it might be chance that open up the doors for them both or fate that simply brought them together as the right couple, i hope. Such great opportunity to be able to let go of the past upon hearing he has a new love.

So Is there LUCK in LOVE or is it chance, fate? I don't know, we will only find out when it is our turn to fall in love or when the time comes. Then only can we really understand the process of Love and life.

Whatever written in this post does not play out truly and fully the love story of my friend and his new found love. I would like top ask any forgiveness if i have trespass any boundaries and written some wrong information.

Ps,
I am so jealous. Be good to her yeah, be grateful, and enjoy your new found love. Have a great journey together.

2010

Yo peps, THIS IS MY FIRST POST OF 2010! YEAHH! HOORAY! HUHUHU! Clap clap clap!

Ok weird and a bit overrated but there is a first for everything in the new year, like my first though of 2010, my first night of 2010, my first movie of 2010(AVATAR 3D! AWESOMEE!), my first blank though of 2010(yes it is true we guys can be very good stonners) and many more!and by monday it would be the first school day of 2010,oh man here comes hel*ahem...school.

What i like most of 2010 even though it the beginning of the year and its just the second day is not only my first 3D movie which was awesome, avatar was nice, mainly because i wish i could have a avatar my own and wish i could journey to another planet so beautiful such as pandora. Anyways coming back, the other thing i like most of 2010 is the no.10, Go figure.

Another thing that came to mind was looking back at all the years, years past by just like that, every year seems to by faster than i know it and before i know, its too late to enjoy the year but for particular reason, i am so glad 2009 has ended because it was hell of a year but of course there were the good moments. One thing i think we can all keep in mind is how 2010 is gonna be for us is how we expect it to be.

We never know what is going to happen to us in this new year 2010, anything can happen at anytime and anywhere, what we can expect are that there will be a balance share of good and bad times given the benefit of the doubt but i pray this year will be a year if blessing for all of you, lets take this opportunity to rewrite that life of ours, its time for another chapter in our life, time to write a whole new journey in our lifes, lets fill it with happyness.

Basically, 2010 is a different year for everybody, some would be major exams like spm,pmr,upsr, college end semester, STPM!(ahh like me) and so on, other would be just another year but what we can asure its gonna be a great journeyt infront of us, are we ready to venture in? well if your not, TOO BAD! you already did,hahaha since friday. Dont worry, lets take thing one at a time and lets let life play out itself but in all thing which i find hardest is trusting God in everything.

Well peps and friends and family, happy new year 2010, i leave with you with my prayers that 2010 will be a blessed year for you, a year of harvesting the fruits, a year of joy,happyness and of course may all your dreams come true.